Limited Sanity

Hey, did you know it was a full moon over the weekend?!  I sure as shit did.  People were acting all banana sandwich and just nuts all weekend long.  Thankfully, I only had to tend to my bar patrons one night (Saturday) this week, otherwise there likely would have been blood shed.

Having been in the bar business for going on 12 years, there are certain things that can be expected, every single shift.  You can do your best to avoid them, but they WILL happen.  And then there are things that happen and royally piss you off because you expect too much from your customers.

Here are some helpful tips to help you not be that asshole customer we all laugh about at the end of our shift:

1. Know what you want to order.  Sure, you’re visiting a new establishment.  You’re unsure about their liquor selection.  You want to try something “new” and “exciting.” Generally speaking, we all have our favorite “go-to” while we’re out and about.  If I’m slammed busy and finally get to you, don’t expect me to wait there while you mull over what to get.  You just had the last two minutes to look over our bar.  If you haven’t figured it out then, stick to your “go-to.”
2. DO NOT wave your money at me, snap your fingers, tap your bottle/glass on the bar, or yell my name across the bar like you know me.  Company policy says I have to wear a name tag so there isn’t much I can do about that.  However, company policy also states that I can refuse service to any goddamn person I so choose.  So go ahead, try calling me over like you would your Labrador.  Let’s see how quickly you get service.
3. Also – do not order the most complicated drink if we’re 4 deep at the bar.  We’re busy, you’re thirsty, I get it.  But when you finally get up to the bar to order after waiting 15 minutes because of the 200 other people around the bar, any blended, muddled, or recipes calling for more than 4 ingredients are a pain in the ass.  Sure, we’ll make it for you, but it’ll be sloppy and certainly not our best work.  And we’ll remember you next time and avoid you like the plague.  Or the blender will be “out of order.”  So choose wisely, young one.

These are just some of the more important things to keep in mind.  I could go on and on with additional things like don’t ask me to make you a “strong one” without thinking you have to pay for a double or by reaching into my fruit tray could result in missing fingers…. but alas, I digress.