As much as anyone would like to think they’ve got this crazy thing called “Life” all figured out, can anyone really say that with 100% confidence? I think I’m starting to get there or at least find a light at the end of the tunnel.
Since my last entry back in March, I’ve made some leaps and bounds into finding myself again. I wasn’t exactly sure which direction life would take, but I realized I needed to be more forgiving and loving towards myself and not rely on D for my own happiness as much. Long story short, I needed to stop whining about not having friends or anything to do. So I did something about it!
In April, I took a Reiki I workshop. I’ve been mildly interested for some time now and took a leap of faith that it wasn’t a complete crock of shit. I purchased an online class before the actual class at our local metaphysical/holistic shop just to read up a bit, get a head start on the learning, and see if I wanted to continue. It was the best thing I could have done for myself! It (re)opened my eyes to the beauty and wonders of self-love, self-healing, and just being in tune with yourself. It helped validate every thing I was feeling, going through, and reaffirm my love for all things natural, holistic, spiritual, & witch-doctory, as D calls it. I met some new faces, experienced new feelings, and had my eyes and heart opened.
There is a Reiki II class coming up, however, I’m sitting this round out. I have so many other wonderful things I want to do and plan on at least starting a few very soon. I’ve found my love for my garden again and am hoping for a crazy return, but will be happy with ANY fresh fruits and veggies. I’ve gotten the urge to paint again and have a project in mind, I just need to put brush to canvas and make it happen.
And most importantly, I’ve found my love for D again. It was never gone and I never hit a point where I questioned our love for one another, but it was strained and heartbreaking a lot of the time. Neither of us knowing how to communicate our feelings, our fears, and disappointments. This past weekend we spent together was amazing. We worked in the yard all day in the heat, we went our separate ways and did our own things for a few hours that evening, and then spent all day Sunday together just enjoying each other’s company. It felt like it did when we first started dating and I’m going to do everything I can to hold on to that.
I’m looking forward to getting home and seeing him tonight, even though the only energy he has after working outside all day, is enough to eat, shower, and sleep. But I get to be the one to make that last meal of the day for him, the one I know he’s looking forward to because his lunch was eaten “on the go” or there was no time to eat it at all. I also get to be the one he tells about his day, good or bad. And I get to sleep next to him and wake up next to him every day. It’s all about perspective. Gratitude is the Attitude and I’m trying like hell to keep that in mind and be thankful for what I have every day because there is someone out there who always has it much worse that I do.
Me and D two years ago today at his cousin’s wedding. Gosh I just love this man ❤
Limited Sanity 
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