Limited Sanity

It’s the day after Valentine’s and what a wonderful weekend with D and kiddo it was! Until this morning. When I snooped and shouldn’t have because you ALWAYS find something you won’t like. Why can’t I just be happy and not try to ruin a good fucking thing? Because I’m an idiot. Straight up. A self-destructive, conflict loving, shit-starting idiot.

A little backstory for you, I’ll make it as quick as possible. D dated this chick off and on well before our relationship. She was there for him when no one else was, blah blah blah. They’ve remained friends over the years and Snapchat with each other. Long story short, the first half of our relationship I found out she was sending inappropriate photos and texts to him, while she was married. He swears he never reciprocated and told her to stop, so I believe him. Something about this woman still sets my spidey senses off. She’s been since divorced and in a few relationships here and there (thanks for making stalking possible, FB) and her and D text literally every day.

Well… this morning while he’s sleeping, I grabbed his phone for something entirely different. Screenshots of texts with his daughter’s mother to add to my planner of notes I keep for the next custody case. No, I didn’t wake him to ask, I just grabbed it because we do have an open phone policy. I just so happened to see a message from her sent to him at like 5 am. I opened it (bad Sam), it was a “good morning” message, no biggie. But it was the saved message above that that struck me. It was from September of 2020 and it was a message from him to her, explaining why their relationship never worked out. After 7 years of us dating, he still has to explain to her why they’re not dating or didn’t work out. WTF.

I want to make one thing perfectly clear. I trust D with my entire heart and soul. I, in my heart of hearts, know that he would never cheat on me, ever. But… D is also a very nice guy and tried to avoid confrontation wherever possible and I think this chick thought she could play on that weakness of his so he’d never tell her no or that they shouldn’t be friends anymore. I would never ask him to stop being friends with her because that’s just stupid. But I’m considering it. Or at least asking him to delete her from Snapchat because it makes me uncomfortable. We’ll see how the next few days pan out because I did happen to send her a FB message this morning – first time I’ve ever done that! Below is the message I sent, names removed for privacy:

“Hey J!
I’m sure you know who I am, but for arguments sake, I’m Sam, D’s girlfriend of 7 years.  I wanted to point that out because apparently as recently as September of last year, you were wanting to know why you two didn’t work out. Over 7+ years ago. I can appreciate the fact that you realize what a wonderful person he is and that you were there for him when no one else was. I can overlook the fact that for the first half of our relationship, you sent him highly inappropriate photos and messages. While you were married, getting divorced, and in other relationships. Don’t worry, I’ve got receipts if you need them. I get it that you may not have respect for yourself or anyone else you’ve dated in the recent past, but at least respect our relationship because I’m not going anywhere.  I would never tell him who he can and can’t be friends with because that’s just not my style. But just know if I did, you wouldn’t be on the winning end of that, period.
Either you can get over the fact that you’re not together, are only friends, and start to respect that we’re in a committed relationship that has absolutely nothing to do with you or your past together… or not, but just know if you choose the latter, you won’t like the outcome.Ya know, it’s used to be a jealousy thing. It really did. But then I realized you were married and acting that way. And divorced and acting that way. And in a relationship with someone else and acting that way all while D was in a relationship as well and you were STILL acting that way. Now it’s just pity and anger. Anger because you can’t respect him or I’s relationship and pity because well.. it’s just sad that you can’t let go, move on, and live your life while we live ours.
For the record, I’m not a woman hater or shamer by any means. I wish you all of the joy and happiness you can find – it’s just not with D, so stop trying.”

I didn’t talk to D about it before sending it. Hell, he doesn’t even know I saw the saved September message. I couldn’t wait on “confronting” her any more. We’ve been together for 7 years and she’s been a thorn in my side for every single one of those years. We’ll see if she chats with him about my message or if he’ll even find out about it. If he does, I’m sure he’ll be upset and I can only hope he’ll understand where I was coming from. I don’t think my message was particularly “rude” per say, but got the point across of “Don’t fuck with me.”

Here’s to waiting for the sky to start falling! Happy Monday 🙂