Limited Sanity

It’s Thursday, December 30th. Two days left in this shit-show year. All signs point to 2020 and 2021 being the ramp up or trial run for whatever is coming in 2022, but I’m choosing to just try and focus on the here and now. Easier said than done, amiright? It doesn’t help that two separate daily tarot cards this week showed me the Devil and the Tower cards – nothing like signs of sheer positivity to end the year!

I’ve spent much of 2021 in my feelings, mostly anger, betrayal, depression, and anxiety, but it wasn’t all bad. There were glimmering moments of happiness and hope, like the day I finally arrived back home after 4 months in the desert or yesterday receiving news that my sweet little meow-meow Gracyn doesn’t have kidney disease or feline diabetes. Always look for the silver linings if you can.

The real silver lining of this year was getting my mom home from Arizona and in her own apartment, away from my brother’s greedy girlfriend who did nothing but make her life miserable. My mom is NO cake walk, but trust when I say I wouldn’t piss on this girl to put her out if she were on fire. She’s conniving and good at it. Her only downfall was I saw past it the very first time I met her and have held her at arms length since and if given the chance, I’d throat-punch her in a heartbeat. The saddest part is the hold she has over my brother, but that’s his choice and his repercussions to carry. We unfortunately do not and will not have a relationship moving forward that involves her in any way. I love my brother, but until he finds a way to remove his head from his ass, I’ll have to love from a distance. He even called my mom and uncle to make sure I wasn’t going to be at family Christmas or “just show up” because they’d pack up and leave. Mature, huh? That’s okay, I have a feeling he’s in for a rude awakening sometime next year and big sis will be here when he comes running for help.

Me, D, and Kiddo are about to head out of town this afternoon to ring in New Years with a few of our close friends up north. This will be the last camping adventure of the year – ha, only 2 days left anyway. D and I have been working on reconnecting after one hell of a year. We’ve nearly called it quits a few times, but we’re kind of addicted to each other and neither wants to start over in the realm of dating, so here we are, haha. I think 2022 will be the year for us to make things officially official and get married, but we shall see!

I did make a few rounds of apologies for my less than stellar behavior at times this year. D had said some of his friends came to him complaining about my bitchiness so I messaged each of them, with D attached, and apologized. I did the same with his ex. However, just because I’ve apologized for MY poor behavior does NOT mean I’ll stand for poor behavior from others. No, no, no. 2022 is the year to voice my displeasure or disappointment with things that don’t align with my highest good or for the highest good of the group. Prime example – D’s lazy POS best friend who still manages to get invited to everything, brings his trove of kids plus their friends, makes a mess out of everything. and doesn’t bother to parent while camping. This Sam is not dealing with that this year. Same with calling out D when he’s being a jerk or talking to me in a way I don’t like. We’ll see how all of this goes. If you don’t hear from me again, it didn’t go well, haha!

Happy Holidays all and an even better New Years!

XOXOX

Sam