Limited Sanity

I am officially all moved into my mom’s place, with the exception of a few items we’ve yet to exchange or are still finding, but that’s going to happen on MY time. Everything important to me is already moved. The cats are freaked, as to be naturally expected. My male cat, Eddie, poofs, hisses, and runs every time he sees my mom’s 5 lb Yorkie that he’s bigger than. My female cat, Gracyn, hasn’t come out from under the bed except once late last night to come get cuddles. Otherwise she’s been facing the wall in the corner, farthest back from reach. I don’t blame her. She made me chase her for a good 20 minutes before going in her new carrier because she knew something was up. She’s too fucking smart for her own good.

Yesterday was the final moving day. My uncle and brother decided to get a head start and moved everything from the basement over to mom’s basement for now. All that was left were some plants and things and thankfully I had some friends to help. Unfortunately, Mr. Asshole made sure that I had an audience as I was moving out – his best friend (who’s a lazy POS, just ask D, he’ll tell ya!) and another friend he’s known forever that just lives across the street and down the hill from us (who also verbally, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically abuses his live-in girlfriend). I was pissed right the fuck off and let them all know it. The whole neighborhood probably did in all honesty, but I’m done caring. The only reason he hangs out with these two is because he’s a good mechanic and has helped both of them out tons of times, but they also cater to his ego by telling him how cool he is, how awesome his work is, etc. etc. He bitches about his best friend constantly, but then will run to his rescue the second he calls, only to come home later and bitch more. Once we split up, these people were the first to get deleted and blocked because they either participate in it themselves or silently stand by and watch – either way I’m not okay with it. Had someone reach out and flat out deny that one of them isn’t abusive and no one knows what happens behind closed doors, etc. Yes, I get that, but I’m only testifying to what I’ve seen personally or what his significant other has confided in me about. Just because you don’t see it happen, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

I’ve been asking this man since we’ve split, on July 2nd, to give me space and that I didn’t want or fucking need his help, yet he thought to invite these two fucking oafs over to “help.” Just another showing of why we wouldn’t have worked out in the long run – he can’t fucking listen or just doesn’t care to. If it’s not his idea or his way, he wants nothing to do with it. So yes, I did act the crazy part yesterday. Fuck it. Deleted the neighbors that we made friends with as they’ve all heard him scream at me, windows closed OR open, and no one has said a thing. Nothing. Including the good ol’ Catholics with 5 kids down the street – they were who I supposedly offended with my “Keep your rosaries off my ovaries” and “No hate like good ol’ Christian love” sign I put in the yard. Man, if they were offended that easily, how have they survived and procreated so many times?! Perhaps they should have been taught about birth control 🤷 And yes, even neighbor Jack had to go as he felt it necessary to call D and GET HIS PERMISSION to help me. Fucking weak, man. One day they’ll get to see the real him, I hope.

I’m really tired of wasting my energy on people that aren’t in my life for good reason and really don’t have any more time for bullshit. Something must be broken with my “people reader” because I never saw this coming. The breakup, yes, but not the nastiness that has come after. Hindsight is really 20/20 after all and I’m just glad I’m out now before we were married.

I spent the weekend with mutual friends before finishing up the move yesterday – college graduation party and an opportunity to “feel” people out in person. I wanted to see how they reacted to me being there without D, if I would get cornered for details (I did), and if anyone would avoid me. Thankfully they didn’t, but I also know they’re just content with D being who he is. D has land to hunt on, can fix things, has toys and a camper. Why wouldn’t someone want to take advantage of that? It was nice to laugh with all of them again, clear some things up, and guarantee our continued friendships, although hanging out may have to be under different circumstances.

I slept pretty well last night, but have been dragging ass all day and not even Adderall can save me. I think I took one too many ibuprofen PMs last night or am just that sleep deprived. It’s 1pm and I could definitely use a good 4 hour nap. At least the moving is done, now comes the unpacking. I’ve been working on it all, little by little and have managed to make it look less like a dump every day, so that’s a bonus!

Back to the grind for the next 3.5 hours. Until next time! XOXO