Limited Sanity

The hits just keep on coming from the ex, but the only difference this time is I can really say I don’t give a fuck. He’s dug his grave, now we wait until he lays in it and buries himself because it’s coming.

Here are some things I’ve learned about myself through the mouths of others that he’s been spreading his toxic narcissistic breadcrumb:

• I’m a drug addict. No, not Mary Jane, but the prescription meds from my doctor. I get SO high off of those anti depressants, man.
• I’ve stolen money from him and his daughter
• I’ve never paid my fair share of bills for the house we owned together for 7 years
• More recently he’s been saying he’s walked in on me, needle in arm, shooting up heroin. I’ve never even SEEN heroin in person, let alone know how to fucking shoot it. Moron.
• I’m also crazy and drive past his house at all hours of the day and night. More recently I apparently pulled into the driveway and chain smoked cigarettes on the back steps because I “can’t deal” with the breakup. (Haven’t been back in that house or driveway since I’ve left, sorry dude.)
• I made up his dating profiles for him – to make him look like a POS, but hey, he does that all on his own.

What’s even better… the lawyer he used to file the quit claim with is the same fucking lawyer that I found for his personal injury. He’s real fucking classy.

I found out that he and kiddo went on a camping trip to the Wisconsin Dells with a mutual “friend” and his family. It didn’t bother me at first aside from I was missing out on this trip. He knows I’ve never been there before and it was definitely a FOMO moment. And then… Sunday comes. I muted this friend’s story beforehand because I really didn’t want to see just how much fun they were having. It really, really bothered me that this mutual friend would still want to align with him after I’ve provided more than enough proof showing his abusive ways. Even his long term girlfriend said she wished he saw the true side of fuckface. But again, they were friends before either of us ladies came into the picture, so I’m not expecting much, but still needed to tell him how I felt. I basically just said I’m removing myself from the friends group and conversation because people that choose to still associate with him are not good for my mental health or wellbeing. I can’t align myself with people who just stand by and watch it happen or choose to ignore it. I also deleted all of them from SnapChat (not blocked) so if anyone wants to reach out they can, but I’m tired of not knowing who to trust or who’s playing both sides. Life is too fucking short to waste time worrying about their loyalty.

As much as I absolutely adore his girlfriend and mother of his child, she’s stuck in the middle and it’s a shitty spot to be in. I’m just going to casually step back from that friendship more and more. I know she means well when it comes to understanding what I’m going through and being there for me to vent, but I also can’t help but feel both sides are being played or at least placated. She needs to keep her home life happy and this feuding between fuckface and I hasn’t been easy on anyone so I’ll do what I can to help.

Here’s to really starting completely over with a fresh outlook and new perspective! Stay tuned, I’m sure I’ll learn more about myself soon!